When Friendship Turns Ugly

Teacher: Jun, can I tell you something?

Jun: Yes.

Teacher: Teacher is sad today (draws crying eyes on the whiteboard).

Jun: Why?

Teacher: I will tell you the story (starts drawing stick people). This is teacher. This is teacher's friend. Teacher and friend are very happy together. (Draws a stickman) But one day, friend has another friend. They are very happy together. So, teacher has no more friend. Teacher is alone. Do you understand, Jun?

Jun: (draws a stickman in front of my stick-image) Teacher boyfriend. No more sad. Teacher is happy. (He draws a heart for teacher and her boyfriend and a broken heart for friend and her boyrfriend. He also draws an ID for teacher saying "Pia good teacher/manager.")



I was just so happy that this student touched my heart. He always wants me to smile. He even wants me to eat when I say I'm hungry. I lurve this kid!

Where Have All the Flowers Gone?

I really have no idea what to write here.

It has been a month since my last post. And counting all my posts in 2009, 43 or so only imposes that I am not an avid blogger anymore. Whatever caused my lost of interest in blogging is yet I have to figure out. Or perhaps, it's not lost of interest but rather lack of time. The latter is more appropriate I think.

Since I got promoted two months ago, I totally lost time to write. I have been working for 10-12 hours since then, which has given me this kind of life: sleep at 2-3am; wake up at 11am; at the office by 12pm or 1pm; go home at 11:10pm; arrive at 11:30pm; dinner at 12am-1am; and the cycle goes like that.

That is also the reason why I still have one pending article for ZestAir. But looking back to that place--my topic--I think of nothing but sad pictures. Hurtful words. Bitter memories. No matter how I try to focus more on the positive side, the pain of that moment was just too strong to paralyze my hands.

My brain works sometimes though. Ideas come into mind and lots of things to say, but words still struggle to come out. The feeling is nothing far from being constipated--having something stuck inside your stomach so heavily that it gives you restlessness. In the end, you have no choice but to let it all out.

So here I am, starting to write again, but still wondering where all the flowers have gone.

Just sharing a quote

"I can hide that pain that I feel and make others think that I can move on. But I can never deny the truth that the person who hurt me is still the person I wish to love me."

L.O.S.T. (or simply TIRED)

I don't know whom to hold onto anymore...
I don't know what I want now.
I don't know what to do because I don't know what I must do.

the Battle

(Warning for grammarwhores: this is how you overuse the conjunction "but.")

I am at peace with whatever I have right now.
But I want something. Something which can wait or not.
I want answers.
I want CLEAR answers.
I'm still loving, but it's not for other people anymore. It's for myself.
This love is becoming selfish, and that is the battle that's going through inside me.
I want to love more. But the more I push myself, the more my heart distances itself.
But if I succumb to the call of selfishness, I don't know if I will be able to handle it. I don't know if I can stand alone. But I want to know.
This is my new prayer, but I don't know if it's right.